Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
17 People Reveal The Reasons Behind Their Foot Fetish
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest