No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
