i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
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Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
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I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me