I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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