this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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