I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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