I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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