Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.

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(352): View more from Florida

I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.

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(812): View more from Indiana

I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated

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(518): View more from New York

Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight

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(317): View more from Indiana

The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.

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(713): View more from Texas

Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.

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(515): View more from Iowa

There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard

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(937): View more from Ohio

Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo

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