i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
