I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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