you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
