I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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