Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
