haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
