I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
And then my night got REAL pukey
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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