Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
BRING THE BAGELS
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
