Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
