I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
