it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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