his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
