The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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