i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
