i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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