Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
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She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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