is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just google imaged poop.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
