I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
