Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
