"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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