How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
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