she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
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I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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