Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
