A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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