Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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