fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
