the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
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How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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