I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
