dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize