Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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