mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
