So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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