WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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