what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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