Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
wakey wakey hands off snakey
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Randomize
