I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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