We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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