Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
