Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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