Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
