I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Randomize
