Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
