Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
It's Friday. Sex?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
