I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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