How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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