I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
