Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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