no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
