She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
