What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
