I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
