:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
it's not cheating when I paid for it
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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