erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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