Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
