I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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